Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Consider The Lilies

My alarm went off at 7am this morning, as if on auto-pilot, I got ready, got Brin up and ready, and headed out to pick up the gymnastics carpool. On my way to the gym it suddenly dawned on me; I don't have to be at work until 1 today! It was a beautiful, overcast, and cool morning, perfect for a run. Except I had already showered and gotten "ready" for the day. So I took an impromptu ride up right hand fork instead.
I had forgotten how absolutely amazing right hand fork really is. It was the perfect setting for me to ponder the new responsibilities I had accepted/taken on. As I drove I listened to some inspiring, uplifting music. It was fairly early and I was the only person up there, so I took my time meandering up the winding road. I poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father. I told Him that I was astounded that so many people have such great faith in me, while I have so very little. I told Him I was scared, and nervous, and that I couldn't do this on my own. I was a sobbing mess by the time I reached a clearing in the trees; the perfect thinking spot. I pulled in and shut off the engine and listened. I could hear the creek flowing by, the birds singing, and the slight pitter patter of rain on my windshield. It was then that I was finally able to let out the breath that I had been holding since Sunday. I got such a calm, peaceful feeling. I suddenly remembered that I am not alone. 1Kings:12 came to my mind, .."after the fire a still small voice". I really felt like I had been tossed into the fire for the last 3 days! But all of the sudden I was hearing a still small voice; telling me that all is well, you're not alone. By now I really had the "waterworks" going, and three ladies on bikes happened by. I could see the concern on their faces. I probably looked like I was having some sort of fit or convulsion there in my thinking spot. I waved as if to say "I'm okay! Really! This is the best I have felt since my husband carried me out of the bishops office on Sunday! I'm okay!" Either they were terrified, or understood that I was fine and they went on their way. I stayed in my spot until I had composed myself, then made my way down the canyon.
What a splendid morning! I really needed that quiet, alone time to think and to pray. My heart is as full as it has ever been, but also as light as it has ever been. I am so blessed and thankful to realize that I am never alone. Ever. None of us are. If we knock, He will answer.

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